Now you're just flattering me. [ False modesty, or a deflection? It's hard to say. ] But she was. I owe her a lot.
[ It's obvious from the quality of her voice and the slight smile on her face, the admiration she has for Tsunade. As a general rule, Sakura tries not to spend too much time reminiscing about home. Every time she does, her thoughts invariably turn back to her daughter and the very real possibility that she might never see her again, not to mention all her friends, and it's not something she likes to dwell much on.
(Not in public, anyway.)
Maybe it's hypocritical, but Jae-ha's request helps her snap out of her reverie, at least. ]
Oh... [ Admittedly, she hesitates, but not for very long. ] Well, since you rescued me, I think I can do that.
It'll be a fun exercise in making sure that guy doesn't see us. Though I'm sure he's passed out drunk somewhere, at this point.
[ He smiles at her acceptance, though, and wonders if he might be imagining things when he thinks he sees a flicker of wistfulness. Or possibly something else.
He offers her his hand, and true to his word, guides them to a more isolated part of the balcony. They can still hear the music, albeit more faintly, but it isn't as busy. No danger of running into the guy, and Jae-ha could use the fresh air, anyway. ]
[ There's an arch quality to her voice, the only indication that she doesn't buy his excuse. A fun exercise? Please. She's too smart for that.
But neither does she suspect there's anything more to it than what it is: a dance. The only reason she hesitates is that, honestly, she had already braced herself to turn down anyone that might ask. Not that she anticipated that many would, but she expected them to all be like the boorish VIP they're now hiding themselves from. ]
It's been a while, so you should probably lead.
[ The dance, that is. (Which is how it's supposed to go anyway?? Sakura please.) ]
Of course not. I’m also selfish and want to dance with a beautiful woman.
[ So he’s been found out, but at least he’s honest? He nods. ]
I’m sure it will be fine. I’ve had my feet stepped on many times tonight, actually. [ BY AIGIS… who had no idea how to use her newly human feet, so Sakura will be alright. He takes her hand lightly and falls into step easily, beginning the slow, almost melancholic waltz with a pace that should hopefully make it easy follow. ]
[ Just so we're all clear where the boundaries are. She says it less like a warning and more like a disclaimer even as she follows him willingly. A dance, friendly banter: this much she has no problem with, or she wouldn't have agreed to it. She just doesn't want him to think it goes beyond that. ]
I don't think I'm that bad, [ she laughs as she takes his hand. And true enough, she doesn't have the training of a dancer, but she moves with a certain grace, an awareness of her body that comes from years of taijutsu. Jae-ha is much taller than her — taller than Sasuke, even — but she manages to follow him well enough not to step on his toes. ]
Are you? [ That's slightly disappointing, but honestly, it makes sense. Aside from being beautiful, she carried herself with confidence, and while she wasn't old, she wasn't a young girl, either. ] Your husband is a very lucky man. Do you miss him, or is he in this ordeal with you?
[ Now he just thinks she was being humble, because her dancing is just fine. They're not trying to perform impressive moves or anything, but her rhythm is precise, and they sway easily in time. ]
[ His face brightens up, then, as he spins them around and lightly dips her in time with the music. He looks happy-- now that he thinks about it, that's a very cute couple. He holds them both in high esteem. ]
Yes, he helped me out a great deal... during the train incident. [ He smiles fondly. ] Honestly, I would have died if he weren't there to save me. [ And he has no shame in admitting so. ]
[ She's not expecting the dip when it comes, but she's poised enough not to stumble when he pulls her back up. She laughs, but it tapers off pretty quickly. ]
There were a lot of close calls. [ Sakura tries to keep her tone light, but it's obvious how much that all affected her. ]
[ It seems ill-fitting, to have such a conversation while enjoying such a lighthearted dance. So he holds off on any more dips for now, his own smile faltering when he sees her expression fall-- a slight, barely noticeable change, but observing people is something he's rather good at. ]
And I have no doubt there will be more, in the future. We not only have to take care of the people here, but of each other, too. [ It's a simple fact; nothing mind-blowing, and certainly not something she doesn't already know, but it's his way of implying that he would go to great lengths for her. For others. His way of expressing a sentiment of trust.
[ Pivoting on the ball of her foot at the prompting, Sakura spins once. ]
You're right. [ It probably didn't need to be said, but she realizes that Jae-ha saw through her. Sai always knew when her smiles were fake, too. This is her way of acknowledgment.
She doesn't say so, but she will always put her comrades above herself. ]
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so grim while we're dancing. You're very good, by the way.
This isn't exactly the appropriate time to dance, either. [ What did they have to celebrate?
Yet, here he is. The existence of such a party might be in poor taste, offensive, even, but maybe he needed the distraction, too. He smiles lightly, despite the slight melancholy of the atmosphere. ]
You're not so bad, either. I never took you for a dancer, but you're full of surprises.
[ And there's the heart of things there. It's not an appropriate time to be dancing or drinking or having such an ostentatious affair when hundreds of people are barely cold in the ground. Yet she's here, because she knows that having a strong ally, a satisfied ally, can save countless more lives in the future of the war.
The knowledge only barely makes it easier to stomach. ]
Quite honestly, I assume most everyone I meet is a soldier, or a fighter of some kind. It's usually a safe assumption.
[ He wouldn't classify himself as one, but he's met many people who dedicate their lives to an army, or to a person. In that regard, he supposes he is one, too, as much as he hates the thought. ]
I guess I fit that criteria, in the broadest sense, too.
[ If only the Jae-ha from just a few months prior could hear him now. He supposes that despite whatever residual denial might be left, he is, for all intents and purposes, a warrior who fights on Yona's behalf. It's kind of funny, how he's made peace with it and accepted it, and it's not even relevant. His thoughts wander to her well-being, and he shakes his head lightly.
Instead, he reaches down to firmly rest his palms upon her waist, and in a dramatic crescendo of the song, lifts and spins Sakura into the air. ]
Before that, I used to be a pirate! The beautiful monster of Port Awa, is what they called me! [ No. Nobody called him that. Just himself. ]
[ There's a truth concealed in the way her smile widens. Putting it the way Naruto does, she can't help but think that they're definitely in trouble in that case. She's been teaching Sarada how to manipulate her chakra, but even she was shocked with how easily it came to her when she saw it in action for the first time. If a parent's job is to provide and protect their children, then Sakura thinks she can take some comfort for having, at the very least, provided Sarada with the means to protect herself.
But she doesn't mention this in favor of answering him. ]
She wants to be Hokage.
[ The way they're touching, Sakura doesn't so much bump her shoulder against Naruto's as she gently shoves against his weight. ]
[It startles him, the declaration. Her daughter wouldn't be the first person to ever want the job of Hokage, and it's hard not to immediately think of Konohamaru- the boy who had looked up to him as a brother and as a rival, something to further his own growth. Naruto hasn't even become Hokage yet, hasn't even achieved his own dream, and there are already people who want to follow after him.
Shikamaru was right, they really are the teachers now. The surprise shows on his face- at first open shock and then the flush of pride and genuine happiness.]
Eh? Really?
[They rest against one another easily, two halves of a whole.]
I'm gonna have to get it together for sure'attebayo. I can't just be shown up so easily.
Isn't that how it's supposed to go? The younger generation surpassing the previous one?
[ The lightness of the joke belies the truth of sentiment. There's nothing bitter behind it, though. If anything, she sounds wistful. What, after all, is the point of fighting so damn hard if not to leave the earth a better place for those those that follow? Why bring children into the world if you don't want them to have more, have better, be better? It's unfathomable to her that people would have kids for any other reason. She knows they do, but she can't wrap her head around the concept and doesn't ever want to. There are many ideals and expectations Sakura has had to let go of over the years, but this is one she refuses to let slip.
Sakura allows her head to tip sideways, laying it against his shoulder, allows herself the selfishness of taking the comfort he provides by simply being there and being one of the few people she can admit this vulnerability to: ]
I miss her. So much. [ It's the first time she's ever said that out loud. ]
[There's a part of that mentality that Naruto might not ever have the same way. Without parents to follow around, to watch as he grew, his ideas about the passage of time and the connections between others have come from different angles. It was Shikamaru explaining that it was time for them to be teachers now. It was understanding that Jiraiya was trusting him with his dream for the shinobi world. It was his mother telling him about what it was like to have a family after being a jinchuuriki- about having a home, about being a vessel filled with love.
Sakura-chan rests her head on his shoulder and Naruto's cheek settles against the pale pink of her hair. Hearing the words he can't help wondering.
How many times has she said something like this in her lifetime? How many nights has she been looking out at the sky and longing for someone that wasn't there? How many times has she said those words?]
I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. [This close, their chests rise and fall in unison, a synchronization of their breathing. He should have done this so long ago. As often as he'd chased after Sasuke, he should have made sure to be here too.]
All this time I hadn't realized. You've been lonely too.
[ Here's the truth of it: she thinks those words frequently, but says them almost never. Sakura is a woman who will openly display her feelings of joy, of love, and certainly her anger, but there are others that she keeps behind closed doors. Uglier thoughts. Disappointments, fears, loneliness. Things which have no solution and for which she has no answer: not for herself, certainly not for her curious and perceptive daughter who grew up with a living father she never knew. There's nothing to be done about it. Sasuke's mission was too perilous for anyone else to take and too pressing to ignore. She understands. She endures, because that's what shinobi do. She makes excuses for Sarada's benefit (she thinks) and puts everything else away. For so long she's been doing this that it's practically become a habit.
And here Naruto is, and it starts to come spilling forth. It doesn't even really surprise her. ]
It's not so bad here. I have you and Sasuke. It's just not the same.
[The words are easy, like a sigh, and what Naruto means is I know why you're telling me it's okay. How long have they been living this way? How many sacrifices have they seen made, how many have they made themselves because of the shinobi way? The words had come from his own mouth more than once, about what it means to endure- but the more he sees of his friends here the more he questions it. Is this what remaking the world was supposed to be like? And if so- why does it look so much like the old one? Couldn't they change this part too? A few hours from now he'll be speaking to Sasuke and talking about Sarada then too. He'll say that there weren't supposed to be any more lonely children. He'll wonder at how they can call it a better future when they're trading the happiness of their families for peace.]
But in my heart, I feel like you've been saying words like that for a long time.
[ Sakura is silent for a while after that, simply because she has no idea what to say. He's confronting her with uncomfortable truths, things she has known but never really acknowledged, and the funny thing is it isn't even a confrontation at all. It only feels like one because, with Sarada, it always was. She lost her temper with the girl over it once, and she still regrets it. Sarada had every right to her resentment. ]
I've had it better than most.
[ Her husband may have been gone for over a decade, but at least she knew he was alive. At least her parents were alive. Sarada has only ever known one side of her family; the other is full of ghosts.
[Naruto doesn't deflate so much as his weight moves- rolling from one point to another in an extended exhale.]
Why's it gotta be a competition'attebayo?
[With his cheek still pressed to the crown of her head he can see the city beyond with perfect clarity. There are lanterns down there, a din of voices and shadows moving through the crowd. Are they celebrating, he wonders, or mourning? He hasn't kept count of how long he's been in Caissa, but he still doesn't feel like he belongs. It doesn't matter, nothing will ever be Konoha.]
Sasuke told me once that I couldn't understand his pain because I didn't have a family, cause I was alone from the start.
[As painful as the memories from that fight are, they're some of the ones that he holds on to the hardest. Back then Naruto hadn't known how to reply. There hadn't been anything to say, they ran out of words. He found a similar silence when confronted by Pein. Even in another world here he is, wondering about the cycle of hatred.]
If we're gonna change the shinobi world and make a place where people can truly understand each other, then I don't think we can decide things like that anymore. Your pain's different from mine, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
[ Sakura finally picks her head up then, mostly in surprise, to look at him. ]
That's not —
[ — what I meant, but it dies in her throat. It may not have been what she meant, but it's still basically what she said, isn't it?
She hadn't really known what was said at the Valley of the End. How do you begin to ask that question? It seems too personal, too private, something she can't touch and isn't sure she wants to. Like Sasuke's genjutsu at the end of the war. Like a confession she hoped, in vain, would steer Naruto off a course she thought could only end badly. She was wrong on both counts. It doesn't shock her that Sasuke said it, though. They were all too good at hurting each other back then.
Sakura takes a long inhale, pauses, and then it all comes out in a rush. Stalling, perhaps. Trying to put words to feelings she has long since stopped trying to define, for her own sake if nothing else. ]
I'm not ashamed. I missed Sasuke while he was gone, but it didn't hurt as much as it could have, because I had her.
[ She had a breathing reminder of why every sacrifice was worth it. ]
But now... I don't know how to explain it, Naruto. I'm her mother, I should be there for her and I can't be.
[Even if she could find the words, she's probably right- it might be the kind of thing that can only really be understood by a mother for her child. Naruto remembers what it felt like to be embraced by his own, how strong her arms had felt around him. How sure she'd seemed when he'd felt so lost.
How many times had she wanted to reach out to him? There were so many experiences that she wanted to be there for, so many things she missed.]
I bet your mom probably felt like that too. When you were away on missions and doing really dangerous stuff. I bet she wanted to be there for you too.
[ Her mother had just enough knowledge of how things worked to know what danger her daughter was putting herself in. It must be a little bit like how she felt hearing that Sarada had taken the Chuunin exam: proud, confident in her abilities, and worried all the same.
They're still touching. Shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip, elbows against the railing. The not yet finished wine glass sits, forgotten, by one arm. Sakura pulls back just far enough to tuck the other under and around his. ]
It's not your fault you didn't know. [ That she was missing so acutely. ] I wasn't telling anyone.
[ Maybe there are things she is a little ashamed of. ]
[Even the way he says it, light as a laugh, Naruto knows it's not a real answer. There would always be things between them- not secrets necessarily, but. From what he's seen of the others that made up the Konoha 11, no one else had really been like Team 7. They lined up differently. They pushed too hard and held on too tight.]
I always thought, that made us kinda like a family, yanno?
[It isn't regret that tinges his voice, just the warmth of familiarity- fondness.]
I'm sorry you miss her so much. But I know this part for sure; even though you're apart, and even though she might not be able to see you, as her mom you're still there for her. It's just in a different way.
Oh... Maybe that doesn't make much sense. I'm always such a poor talker.
I only meant, when I met my mom, that's when I realized that even when I missed her the most she'd been there the whole time. I've got her legacy in me. Back home, Sarada's got yours too.
But... I haven't had much family to talk to about it, either. Sasuke's mission was top secret; I couldn't tell anyone where he was or what he was doing. It was hard enough trying to keep it classified with Sarada asking me where her dad is all the time.
[ That is regret in her voice. If she could go back, she might have done things differently. She might have told Sarada the truth sooner. She might have insisted he come home when he could. Knowing that she was doing what she thought was right at the time... isn't much consolation.
She listens quietly as Naruto continues. It does make sense, in a way she hadn't considered. Eventually, she lays her hand over his. ]
I don't think you ever told me about your mother.
[ This is a little bit of a lie. He has in her time. It's just that this one hasn't. There's an implicit invitation there. ]
[ Normally, she wouldn't need the tether to follow him, shadowing his path. At this particular moment, she's grateful for the contact, however unexpected it is, and her grip is perhaps a shade tighter than it needs to be.
Once they've found some relatively unnoticed corner of the verandah, she tugs him gently back to face her. ]
How is she?
[ It's a different question than what she'd already asked. Before was purely about Sarada's safety. This is a much broader question. ]
[ Sasuke is careful in choosing the place. The verandas are mostly abandoned at this hour of the night, early enough that nobody is seeking solace from the crowds and the noise. The sun is just past the horizon, bringing up the bright moons, the sky a swathe of purples and pink. He faces Sakura as she pulls him around, looking down into her face. He can see in her expression how much she misses their daughter; Sasuke feels distinctly that, should either of them been offered the opportunity to go back, Sakura should have had it over himself. ]
She's her mother's daughter. [ Resilient. Focused. Strong. ] She did well in her exam, before everything happened.
[ Sakura isn't resentful, exactly. No, that's not true. She doesn't resent Sasuke and she would never think to begrudge either him or Sarada the opportunity to spend more time together, but she does resent the circumstances that keeps her from Sarada. Whether it's fate, a fluke, or a deliberate action on someone's part, it has torn Sakura from a part of herself and there is never a time when she isn't quietly simmering about it. It's just easier to channel it into being productive, putting the anger away somewhere it's useful and not consuming. It's easier, that way.
It's easier to be angry than it is to be sad, too.
Sakura doesn't respond, at least not in words, to what she interprets as a compliment. But she does squeeze his hand. ]
She was taking the exam? [ It's so young. As young as they were the first time around. She has no doubt about her daughter's capabilities, though. ] Of course she did.
[ He keeps hold of her hand when she squeezes it, giving a little pressure back— equal parts for her sake and for his own. After seeing what he did and waking up in the temple, it was a little disorienting, to know what was actually real. In a way, all of it feels like some kind of bizarre dream. ]
They all did. She'll be a great Hokage, when she gets there.
Boruto... has a long way to go. [ Or, he did. Witnessing he and Naruto fight may have helped him see what he was capable of, his unique ability with the Rasengan. ]
[ It's not so much boasting as it is an affirmation. For her, this seems like a given. ]
Does Boruto want to be Hokage now too? [ She can't help but laugh. It used to be that he resented the office — except she knows that what he really resented was how it had consumed his father's life. Sakura remembers how much he acted out when he was young. ]
No. [ He answers thoughtfully, almost at length, thinking of what Boruto had done and his relationship with his team. It had to have a certain irony, that Sarada idolized the Hokage, and Boruto seemed to have gained a liking to Sasuke and his way of doing things.
He isn't sure how he feels about that quite yet— but unlike Sasuke, he has a family, and friends, and no curse of hatred and pain to follow him around. ] He wants to protect the Hokage.
... Really? [ In spite of herself, she laughs. ] I'd wonder if they were switched at birth if I hadn't been there.
[ Also if she'd been anywhere near Konoha or its hospital when she gave birth, but she wasn't. Choosing Karin as a traveling companion while she was pregnant hadn't been an accident by any means. ]
They'll make a good team if he smartens up, I think. [ Naruto had attitude and discipline problems when he was young, too, and look where he ended up. ]
[ Despite himself, Sasuke feels the smile touch his mouth. The idea was laughable, of course, but given the way their children had developed it was still funny enough. A quiet falls between them after her words, the sort of companionable one that comes with great comfort with another person. The smile slips from Sasuke's face. ]
[ The shift in her expression just then is subtle, but clear to both of them. It was a truth neither of them had to speak aloud to know; that he brings it up, out and in the open, somehow makes it fresh, like the airing of a wound.
Her eyes drop from Sasuke's, and she nods. ]
I'm glad you got to see her.
[ She means that without bitterness. He's been separated from Sarada far longer than she has, and she knows how valuable that time must have been. For both of them. ]
[ It's a double edged sword. Sasuke didn't need to say it out loud, but somehow... it felt like it should have been said. She doesn't look at him, and Sasuke doesn't try to make her. Instead, he cradles the nape of her neck and leans down to press his lips against the crown of her head. ]
[ Her heart swells with a complicated web of emotion — love, longing, things she's not sure how to define — when he kisses the top of her head. It doesn't seem like much, but in this moment, the two of them hidden away from the rest of the guests, it's a profound gesture.
Sakura pulls back after a moment, but only so she can take advantage of the fact that he's already bent down to kiss him properly. ]
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jae-ha (july intro)
[ It's obvious from the quality of her voice and the slight smile on her face, the admiration she has for Tsunade. As a general rule, Sakura tries not to spend too much time reminiscing about home. Every time she does, her thoughts invariably turn back to her daughter and the very real possibility that she might never see her again, not to mention all her friends, and it's not something she likes to dwell much on.
(Not in public, anyway.)
Maybe it's hypocritical, but Jae-ha's request helps her snap out of her reverie, at least. ]
Oh... [ Admittedly, she hesitates, but not for very long. ] Well, since you rescued me, I think I can do that.
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[ He smiles at her acceptance, though, and wonders if he might be imagining things when he thinks he sees a flicker of wistfulness. Or possibly something else.
He offers her his hand, and true to his word, guides them to a more isolated part of the balcony. They can still hear the music, albeit more faintly, but it isn't as busy. No danger of running into the guy, and Jae-ha could use the fresh air, anyway. ]
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[ There's an arch quality to her voice, the only indication that she doesn't buy his excuse. A fun exercise? Please. She's too smart for that.
But neither does she suspect there's anything more to it than what it is: a dance. The only reason she hesitates is that, honestly, she had already braced herself to turn down anyone that might ask. Not that she anticipated that many would, but she expected them to all be like the boorish VIP they're now hiding themselves from. ]
It's been a while, so you should probably lead.
[ The dance, that is. (Which is how it's supposed to go anyway?? Sakura please.) ]
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[ So he’s been found out, but at least he’s honest? He nods. ]
I’m sure it will be fine. I’ve had my feet stepped on many times tonight, actually. [ BY AIGIS… who had no idea how to use her newly human feet, so Sakura will be alright. He takes her hand lightly and falls into step easily, beginning the slow, almost melancholic waltz with a pace that should hopefully make it easy follow. ]
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[ Just so we're all clear where the boundaries are. She says it less like a warning and more like a disclaimer even as she follows him willingly. A dance, friendly banter: this much she has no problem with, or she wouldn't have agreed to it. She just doesn't want him to think it goes beyond that. ]
I don't think I'm that bad, [ she laughs as she takes his hand. And true enough, she doesn't have the training of a dancer, but she moves with a certain grace, an awareness of her body that comes from years of taijutsu. Jae-ha is much taller than her — taller than Sasuke, even — but she manages to follow him well enough not to step on his toes. ]
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[ Now he just thinks she was being humble, because her dancing is just fine. They're not trying to perform impressive moves or anything, but her rhythm is precise, and they sway easily in time. ]
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[ It's not like it's some secret they're trying to keep. It just doesn't come up too often. ]
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[ His face brightens up, then, as he spins them around and lightly dips her in time with the music. He looks happy-- now that he thinks about it, that's a very cute couple. He holds them both in high esteem. ]
Yes, he helped me out a great deal... during the train incident. [ He smiles fondly. ] Honestly, I would have died if he weren't there to save me. [ And he has no shame in admitting so. ]
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There were a lot of close calls. [ Sakura tries to keep her tone light, but it's obvious how much that all affected her. ]
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And I have no doubt there will be more, in the future. We not only have to take care of the people here, but of each other, too. [ It's a simple fact; nothing mind-blowing, and certainly not something she doesn't already know, but it's his way of implying that he would go to great lengths for her. For others. His way of expressing a sentiment of trust.
He gives her a little spin. ]
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You're right. [ It probably didn't need to be said, but she realizes that Jae-ha saw through her. Sai always knew when her smiles were fake, too. This is her way of acknowledgment.
She doesn't say so, but she will always put her comrades above herself. ]
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so grim while we're dancing. You're very good, by the way.
[ Subject change, if he wants it. ]
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Yet, here he is. The existence of such a party might be in poor taste, offensive, even, but maybe he needed the distraction, too. He smiles lightly, despite the slight melancholy of the atmosphere. ]
You're not so bad, either. I never took you for a dancer, but you're full of surprises.
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The knowledge only barely makes it easier to stomach. ]
What did you take me for?
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[ He wouldn't classify himself as one, but he's met many people who dedicate their lives to an army, or to a person. In that regard, he supposes he is one, too, as much as he hates the thought. ]
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What about you?
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[ If only the Jae-ha from just a few months prior could hear him now. He supposes that despite whatever residual denial might be left, he is, for all intents and purposes, a warrior who fights on Yona's behalf. It's kind of funny, how he's made peace with it and accepted it, and it's not even relevant. His thoughts wander to her well-being, and he shakes his head lightly.
Instead, he reaches down to firmly rest his palms upon her waist, and in a dramatic crescendo of the song, lifts and spins Sakura into the air. ]
Before that, I used to be a pirate! The beautiful monster of Port Awa, is what they called me! [ No. Nobody called him that. Just himself. ]
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[ Like. Does someone just decide they're going to be a pirate one day or what. ]
naruto (july intro)
But she doesn't mention this in favor of answering him. ]
She wants to be Hokage.
[ The way they're touching, Sakura doesn't so much bump her shoulder against Naruto's as she gently shoves against his weight. ]
She got that one from you.
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Shikamaru was right, they really are the teachers now.
The surprise shows on his face- at first open shock and then the flush of pride and genuine happiness.]
Eh? Really?
[They rest against one another easily, two halves of a whole.]
I'm gonna have to get it together for sure'attebayo. I can't just be shown up so easily.
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[ The lightness of the joke belies the truth of sentiment. There's nothing bitter behind it, though. If anything, she sounds wistful. What, after all, is the point of fighting so damn hard if not to leave the earth a better place for those those that follow? Why bring children into the world if you don't want them to have more, have better, be better? It's unfathomable to her that people would have kids for any other reason. She knows they do, but she can't wrap her head around the concept and doesn't ever want to. There are many ideals and expectations Sakura has had to let go of over the years, but this is one she refuses to let slip.
Sakura allows her head to tip sideways, laying it against his shoulder, allows herself the selfishness of taking the comfort he provides by simply being there and being one of the few people she can admit this vulnerability to: ]
I miss her. So much. [ It's the first time she's ever said that out loud. ]
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Sakura-chan rests her head on his shoulder and Naruto's cheek settles against the pale pink of her hair. Hearing the words he can't help wondering.
How many times has she said something like this in her lifetime? How many nights has she been looking out at the sky and longing for someone that wasn't there? How many times has she said those words?]
I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. [This close, their chests rise and fall in unison, a synchronization of their breathing. He should have done this so long ago. As often as he'd chased after Sasuke, he should have made sure to be here too.]
All this time I hadn't realized. You've been lonely too.
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And here Naruto is, and it starts to come spilling forth. It doesn't even really surprise her. ]
It's not so bad here. I have you and Sasuke. It's just not the same.
[ Nothing will be the same. ]
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[The words are easy, like a sigh, and what Naruto means is I know why you're telling me it's okay. How long have they been living this way? How many sacrifices have they seen made, how many have they made themselves because of the shinobi way? The words had come from his own mouth more than once, about what it means to endure- but the more he sees of his friends here the more he questions it. Is this what remaking the world was supposed to be like? And if so- why does it look so much like the old one? Couldn't they change this part too? A few hours from now he'll be speaking to Sasuke and talking about Sarada then too. He'll say that there weren't supposed to be any more lonely children. He'll wonder at how they can call it a better future when they're trading the happiness of their families for peace.]
But in my heart, I feel like you've been saying words like that for a long time.
That you're always missing someone.
i'm still dead
I've had it better than most.
[ Her husband may have been gone for over a decade, but at least she knew he was alive. At least her parents were alive. Sarada has only ever known one side of her family; the other is full of ghosts.
What does she have to complain about, really? ]
I'm alright, Naruto.
resurrects you for more pain ig?
Why's it gotta be a competition'attebayo?
[With his cheek still pressed to the crown of her head he can see the city beyond with perfect clarity. There are lanterns down there, a din of voices and shadows moving through the crowd. Are they celebrating, he wonders, or mourning? He hasn't kept count of how long he's been in Caissa, but he still doesn't feel like he belongs. It doesn't matter, nothing will ever be Konoha.]
Sasuke told me once that I couldn't understand his pain because I didn't have a family, cause I was alone from the start.
[As painful as the memories from that fight are, they're some of the ones that he holds on to the hardest. Back then Naruto hadn't known how to reply. There hadn't been anything to say, they ran out of words. He found a similar silence when confronted by Pein. Even in another world here he is, wondering about the cycle of hatred.]
If we're gonna change the shinobi world and make a place where people can truly understand each other, then I don't think we can decide things like that anymore. Your pain's different from mine, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
You shouldn't be ashamed of that, Sakura-chan.
i die, i live, i die again
That's not —
[ — what I meant, but it dies in her throat. It may not have been what she meant, but it's still basically what she said, isn't it?
She hadn't really known what was said at the Valley of the End. How do you begin to ask that question? It seems too personal, too private, something she can't touch and isn't sure she wants to. Like Sasuke's genjutsu at the end of the war. Like a confession she hoped, in vain, would steer Naruto off a course she thought could only end badly. She was wrong on both counts. It doesn't shock her that Sasuke said it, though. They were all too good at hurting each other back then.
Sakura takes a long inhale, pauses, and then it all comes out in a rush. Stalling, perhaps. Trying to put words to feelings she has long since stopped trying to define, for her own sake if nothing else. ]
I'm not ashamed. I missed Sasuke while he was gone, but it didn't hurt as much as it could have, because I had her.
[ She had a breathing reminder of why every sacrifice was worth it. ]
But now... I don't know how to explain it, Naruto. I'm her mother, I should be there for her and I can't be.
i'll witness u
How many times had she wanted to reach out to him?
There were so many experiences that she wanted to be there for, so many things she missed.]
I bet your mom probably felt like that too. When you were away on missions and doing really dangerous stuff. I bet she wanted to be there for you too.
ah......................
[ Her mother had just enough knowledge of how things worked to know what danger her daughter was putting herself in. It must be a little bit like how she felt hearing that Sarada had taken the Chuunin exam: proud, confident in her abilities, and worried all the same.
They're still touching. Shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip, elbows against the railing. The not yet finished wine glass sits, forgotten, by one arm. Sakura pulls back just far enough to tuck the other under and around his. ]
It's not your fault you didn't know. [ That she was missing so acutely. ] I wasn't telling anyone.
[ Maybe there are things she is a little ashamed of. ]
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[Even the way he says it, light as a laugh, Naruto knows it's not a real answer. There would always be things between them- not secrets necessarily, but. From what he's seen of the others that made up the Konoha 11, no one else had really been like Team 7. They lined up differently. They pushed too hard and held on too tight.]
I always thought, that made us kinda like a family, yanno?
[It isn't regret that tinges his voice, just the warmth of familiarity- fondness.]
I'm sorry you miss her so much. But I know this part for sure; even though you're apart, and even though she might not be able to see you, as her mom you're still there for her. It's just in a different way.
Oh... Maybe that doesn't make much sense. I'm always such a poor talker.
I only meant, when I met my mom, that's when I realized that even when I missed her the most she'd been there the whole time. I've got her legacy in me. Back home, Sarada's got yours too.
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[ Teammates. Family, in a way. ]
But... I haven't had much family to talk to about it, either. Sasuke's mission was top secret; I couldn't tell anyone where he was or what he was doing. It was hard enough trying to keep it classified with Sarada asking me where her dad is all the time.
[ That is regret in her voice. If she could go back, she might have done things differently. She might have told Sarada the truth sooner. She might have insisted he come home when he could. Knowing that she was doing what she thought was right at the time... isn't much consolation.
She listens quietly as Naruto continues. It does make sense, in a way she hadn't considered. Eventually, she lays her hand over his. ]
I don't think you ever told me about your mother.
[ This is a little bit of a lie. He has in her time. It's just that this one hasn't. There's an implicit invitation there. ]
sasuke (july intro)
Once they've found some relatively unnoticed corner of the verandah, she tugs him gently back to face her. ]
How is she?
[ It's a different question than what she'd already asked. Before was purely about Sarada's safety. This is a much broader question. ]
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She's her mother's daughter. [ Resilient. Focused. Strong. ] She did well in her exam, before everything happened.
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It's easier to be angry than it is to be sad, too.
Sakura doesn't respond, at least not in words, to what she interprets as a compliment. But she does squeeze his hand. ]
She was taking the exam? [ It's so young. As young as they were the first time around. She has no doubt about her daughter's capabilities, though. ] Of course she did.
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They all did. She'll be a great Hokage, when she gets there.
Boruto... has a long way to go. [ Or, he did. Witnessing he and Naruto fight may have helped him see what he was capable of, his unique ability with the Rasengan. ]
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[ It's not so much boasting as it is an affirmation. For her, this seems like a given. ]
Does Boruto want to be Hokage now too? [ She can't help but laugh. It used to be that he resented the office — except she knows that what he really resented was how it had consumed his father's life. Sakura remembers how much he acted out when he was young. ]
I hope they don't start fighting over that, now.
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He isn't sure how he feels about that quite yet— but unlike Sasuke, he has a family, and friends, and no curse of hatred and pain to follow him around. ] He wants to protect the Hokage.
[ The look he gives her is meaningful. ]
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[ Also if she'd been anywhere near Konoha or its hospital when she gave birth, but she wasn't. Choosing Karin as a traveling companion while she was pregnant hadn't been an accident by any means. ]
They'll make a good team if he smartens up, I think. [ Naruto had attitude and discipline problems when he was young, too, and look where he ended up. ]
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I know you miss her.
[ He says, voice low, at length. ]
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Her eyes drop from Sasuke's, and she nods. ]
I'm glad you got to see her.
[ She means that without bitterness. He's been separated from Sarada far longer than she has, and she knows how valuable that time must have been. For both of them. ]
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Sakura pulls back after a moment, but only so she can take advantage of the fact that he's already bent down to kiss him properly. ]
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YOU GO GURL. ]
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