[ Sakura finally picks her head up then, mostly in surprise, to look at him. ]
That's not —
[ — what I meant, but it dies in her throat. It may not have been what she meant, but it's still basically what she said, isn't it?
She hadn't really known what was said at the Valley of the End. How do you begin to ask that question? It seems too personal, too private, something she can't touch and isn't sure she wants to. Like Sasuke's genjutsu at the end of the war. Like a confession she hoped, in vain, would steer Naruto off a course she thought could only end badly. She was wrong on both counts. It doesn't shock her that Sasuke said it, though. They were all too good at hurting each other back then.
Sakura takes a long inhale, pauses, and then it all comes out in a rush. Stalling, perhaps. Trying to put words to feelings she has long since stopped trying to define, for her own sake if nothing else. ]
I'm not ashamed. I missed Sasuke while he was gone, but it didn't hurt as much as it could have, because I had her.
[ She had a breathing reminder of why every sacrifice was worth it. ]
But now... I don't know how to explain it, Naruto. I'm her mother, I should be there for her and I can't be.
[Even if she could find the words, she's probably right- it might be the kind of thing that can only really be understood by a mother for her child. Naruto remembers what it felt like to be embraced by his own, how strong her arms had felt around him. How sure she'd seemed when he'd felt so lost.
How many times had she wanted to reach out to him? There were so many experiences that she wanted to be there for, so many things she missed.]
I bet your mom probably felt like that too. When you were away on missions and doing really dangerous stuff. I bet she wanted to be there for you too.
[ Her mother had just enough knowledge of how things worked to know what danger her daughter was putting herself in. It must be a little bit like how she felt hearing that Sarada had taken the Chuunin exam: proud, confident in her abilities, and worried all the same.
They're still touching. Shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip, elbows against the railing. The not yet finished wine glass sits, forgotten, by one arm. Sakura pulls back just far enough to tuck the other under and around his. ]
It's not your fault you didn't know. [ That she was missing so acutely. ] I wasn't telling anyone.
[ Maybe there are things she is a little ashamed of. ]
[Even the way he says it, light as a laugh, Naruto knows it's not a real answer. There would always be things between them- not secrets necessarily, but. From what he's seen of the others that made up the Konoha 11, no one else had really been like Team 7. They lined up differently. They pushed too hard and held on too tight.]
I always thought, that made us kinda like a family, yanno?
[It isn't regret that tinges his voice, just the warmth of familiarity- fondness.]
I'm sorry you miss her so much. But I know this part for sure; even though you're apart, and even though she might not be able to see you, as her mom you're still there for her. It's just in a different way.
Oh... Maybe that doesn't make much sense. I'm always such a poor talker.
I only meant, when I met my mom, that's when I realized that even when I missed her the most she'd been there the whole time. I've got her legacy in me. Back home, Sarada's got yours too.
But... I haven't had much family to talk to about it, either. Sasuke's mission was top secret; I couldn't tell anyone where he was or what he was doing. It was hard enough trying to keep it classified with Sarada asking me where her dad is all the time.
[ That is regret in her voice. If she could go back, she might have done things differently. She might have told Sarada the truth sooner. She might have insisted he come home when he could. Knowing that she was doing what she thought was right at the time... isn't much consolation.
She listens quietly as Naruto continues. It does make sense, in a way she hadn't considered. Eventually, she lays her hand over his. ]
I don't think you ever told me about your mother.
[ This is a little bit of a lie. He has in her time. It's just that this one hasn't. There's an implicit invitation there. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i die, i live, i die again
That's not —
[ — what I meant, but it dies in her throat. It may not have been what she meant, but it's still basically what she said, isn't it?
She hadn't really known what was said at the Valley of the End. How do you begin to ask that question? It seems too personal, too private, something she can't touch and isn't sure she wants to. Like Sasuke's genjutsu at the end of the war. Like a confession she hoped, in vain, would steer Naruto off a course she thought could only end badly. She was wrong on both counts. It doesn't shock her that Sasuke said it, though. They were all too good at hurting each other back then.
Sakura takes a long inhale, pauses, and then it all comes out in a rush. Stalling, perhaps. Trying to put words to feelings she has long since stopped trying to define, for her own sake if nothing else. ]
I'm not ashamed. I missed Sasuke while he was gone, but it didn't hurt as much as it could have, because I had her.
[ She had a breathing reminder of why every sacrifice was worth it. ]
But now... I don't know how to explain it, Naruto. I'm her mother, I should be there for her and I can't be.
i'll witness u
How many times had she wanted to reach out to him?
There were so many experiences that she wanted to be there for, so many things she missed.]
I bet your mom probably felt like that too. When you were away on missions and doing really dangerous stuff. I bet she wanted to be there for you too.
ah......................
[ Her mother had just enough knowledge of how things worked to know what danger her daughter was putting herself in. It must be a little bit like how she felt hearing that Sarada had taken the Chuunin exam: proud, confident in her abilities, and worried all the same.
They're still touching. Shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip, elbows against the railing. The not yet finished wine glass sits, forgotten, by one arm. Sakura pulls back just far enough to tuck the other under and around his. ]
It's not your fault you didn't know. [ That she was missing so acutely. ] I wasn't telling anyone.
[ Maybe there are things she is a little ashamed of. ]
no subject
[Even the way he says it, light as a laugh, Naruto knows it's not a real answer. There would always be things between them- not secrets necessarily, but. From what he's seen of the others that made up the Konoha 11, no one else had really been like Team 7. They lined up differently. They pushed too hard and held on too tight.]
I always thought, that made us kinda like a family, yanno?
[It isn't regret that tinges his voice, just the warmth of familiarity- fondness.]
I'm sorry you miss her so much. But I know this part for sure; even though you're apart, and even though she might not be able to see you, as her mom you're still there for her. It's just in a different way.
Oh... Maybe that doesn't make much sense. I'm always such a poor talker.
I only meant, when I met my mom, that's when I realized that even when I missed her the most she'd been there the whole time. I've got her legacy in me. Back home, Sarada's got yours too.
no subject
[ Teammates. Family, in a way. ]
But... I haven't had much family to talk to about it, either. Sasuke's mission was top secret; I couldn't tell anyone where he was or what he was doing. It was hard enough trying to keep it classified with Sarada asking me where her dad is all the time.
[ That is regret in her voice. If she could go back, she might have done things differently. She might have told Sarada the truth sooner. She might have insisted he come home when he could. Knowing that she was doing what she thought was right at the time... isn't much consolation.
She listens quietly as Naruto continues. It does make sense, in a way she hadn't considered. Eventually, she lays her hand over his. ]
I don't think you ever told me about your mother.
[ This is a little bit of a lie. He has in her time. It's just that this one hasn't. There's an implicit invitation there. ]